Sunday, December 20, 2015

Shame-based Ethical Enforcement

In this brave new world we seem to be working out a new system of morality, and that system seems to be shame-based. Stoicism might be a good response to that. A personal example:

I recently stuck to an opinion in the face of adversity.

I respect the other side very much; they're some of my best friends, but we had a genuine disagreement. It was a very minor thing that blew up into a very big thing.  I'm responsible for a good part of that... I wasn't very Stoic. My words were measured but my tone wasn't. I didn't resort to ad hominem and I didn't say anything offensive, but when they got loud so did I. Or maybe I got loud first? I can't remember.

They asserted that no reasonable person could possibly disagree with them. They ascribed personal motives to my position. They questioned my character.

I did not apologize and I didn't act shamed and it seems to have immediately died down into nothing.

"SHAME ON YOU!"

"No thanks."

"Oh, OK then... could you pass the coffee?"

It was bizarre.

This happened once before. There was shame, I didn't act shamed, then there was reasoned discussion and I changed my mind. They seemed surprised, because I didn't hold a grudge. I treated them exactly as I had before.

Well, a Stoic looks at criticism and assents or not. That time I assented. This time I did not.

Be the purple thread.

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