Some unknown redditor gave me the best Stoic advice of my life. The poster said something like "The first blush of anger is an impression; you can't do anything about that. The second step involves a decision. Will you act on it? The third step is the action and, if you submit anger, the result is beyond your control."
If you are the original poster please make a note of it and accept my heartfelt thanks.
Anyway, I was reminded of this advice when reading cleomedes' reply to a recent post and saw that he linked to this page, which contains the following quote from Seneca's "On Anger:"
"IV. Furthermore, that you may know in what manner passions begin and swell and gain spirit, learn that the first emotion is involuntary, and is, as it were, a preparation for a passion, and a threatening of one. The next is combined with a wish, though not an obstinate one, as, for example, “It is my duty to avenge myself, because I have been injured,” or “It is right that this man should be punished, because he has committed a crime.” The third emotion is already beyond our control, because it overrides reason, and wishes to avenge itself, not if it be its duty, but whether or no. We are not able by means of reason to escape from that first impression on the mind, any more than we can escape from those things which we have mentioned as occurring to the body: we cannot prevent other people’s yawns temping us to yawn; we cannot help winking when fingers are suddenly darted at our eyes. Reason is unable to overcome these habits, which perhaps might be weakened by practice and constant watchfulness: they differ from an emotion which is brought into existence and brought to an end by a deliberate mental act."
The original source material!
Cleomedes reminds us that "The Stoics divide emotions into two classes, impressions (sometimes 'feelings') and passions. See here. Impressions are emotions that happen to you, so trying to control them is a mistake, but passions are the result of your judgements, your beliefs about good and bad. These judgments are explicitly listed as things 'under your control'."
So if I have this right then this is how the process of becoming angry works:
First: You recieve an involuntary impression. "Bill calls me an idiot and I am angry." This is not in your control. You can no more avoid this first feeling of anger than you can avoid yawning. It's automatic.
Second: You assent to the impression or you reject it. "Bill has wronged me. I will avenge myself." Or you could think "Bill made sounds with his mouth that aren't true. That's nothing to me." Or you could think "Bill has a point; perhaps I shouldn't play with matches at a gas station. I'll stop that."
If you decide to avenge yourself then you have created a passion. If not life goes on as normal.
Third: You have created or avoided a passion. If you have created one it is no longer in your control. You tell Bill to go play in traffic and then you question his parentage. Now both of you are angry and things may escalate.
You only control Step 2. You may choose reason or passion.
I can't tell you how many times an understanding of this model has saved me real trouble. I have a problem with my temper, but now when I receive an angry impression I think about the three steps. I ride out the first impression, I reason my way through the problem and then I generally avoid creating a passion. Except when I don't.
An example: I don't like overstuffed drawers and cabinets. Yesterday I had a drawer that wouldn't close and felt that first rush of anger. I thought about the three steps and ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! slammed the door shut, breaking a hinge. Then I felt stupid. So, not a perfect record...
Another example: On the other hand, a few days ago a person on the street swore at me. I hadn't done anything to deserve it (I hadn't done anything at all). I felt the first flush of anger, remembered the three steps, and determined that unwarrented aggression probably meant that the person was having a tough day. I said as much.
"Yeah," he said. "I just broke up with my girlfriend."
"That's rough," I said. "Good luck to you."
He nodded and seemed to feel better.
Now that could have turned ugly in a hurry. This person was looking for somebody to take his misery out on, but when I refused the bait and instead offered understanding it diffused him.
That's Stoicism in action. It's powerful.
You'll have to excuse me. I need to go buy a new hinge.
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