I've got a mouth. I don't mean that I literally have an orifice which allows me to breathe and ingest nutrients, though I certainly have that. I mean it in the Southern sense: "That fella's got a mouth on him."
I'm sarcastic. In our age this trait is often characterized as a plus. I have a buddy, for example, who dates online and he says he's amazed by how many people list "sarcasm" as a positive personality trait. This perplexes him. Why would he want to date an openly sarcastic person? Why sign up for mockery?
"So I just scraped my car's rim against a curb, right? So not only do I have a scratched rim but my date is laughing at me and cracking jokes. Not attractive."
That one didn't work out. Now as a good Stoic I would try to develop myself to the point that neither the scratch nor the date's laughter mattered, of course, but his point is well taken. If the world is filled with potential dates why choose a sarcastic one? Why add to your burden?
My grandmother once told me that I have the tongue of a viper. She was herself a sharp-tongued German lady from North Dakota, brought up hard in an unforgiving environment amid naturally Stoic people. Her world view was an unusual combination of deeply humanitarian impulses and high cynicism. She would feed every kid in the neighborhood but they would all fear the sting of her words if they stepped out of line. She passed this on to my father.
"A pessimist is never disappointed," he would tell me. He would also tell me to "watch my mouth" on a regular basis. I got his mouth, he said, and he got his mother's mouth... who knows how far back the mouth goes? No doubt some Teutonic tribeswomen once stood along the banks of the Danube taunting her nephew for skinning a hog the wrong way, and she begat me.
I can't relate that without admiration, though... I think that what people appreciate in a sarcastic comment is the fact that the originator had the nerve to make it in the first place. Perhaps sarcastic people come off as confident, or superior... I don't know.
As a supposedly practicing Stoic I make a conscious effort not to use my mouth. Sarcasm is insincere, after all. It's not kind and in my case it betrays irritation and insecurity.
I'd been doing pretty well in the last few months, but there came a day when I hadn't gotten enough sleep and I'd had one too many annoying personal interactions and my Stoicism failed me, or rather I failed it.
Whatever. In any case, I said something really sarcastic. My target pointed this out without replying in kind. It was embarrassing... for a moment.
"Well," my Stoic self said, "we don't want to do that again. Apologize, learn, and move on."
Which is what I did. Then we both felt better.
It was automatic. I didn't go home and lose sleep, I didn't mull it over with a friend, I didn't do an internet search on how to be less sarcastic... I just recognized the mistake, made a complete apology and vowed to do better.
It was easy. It felt lazy.
I think this stuff is working. I think that by deliberately thinking a certain way I am actually forming a mental habit. My default state is becoming more Stoic.
It's weird that this surprises me, but it does. I had a similar experience recently when I lifted up my youngest son. It didn't hurt like it used to. I started lifting weights two months ago and now I'm stronger. I must have secretly believed that it wouldn't really work, and then was surprised when it did. Same thing with my Stoicism...
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