Should a Stoic Share Feelings?

This might be useful, gentle reader. In response to a post by Frebel on the Stoic Reddit I offer the following:

Was it Epictetus who said that going to see a Stoic philosopher is like going to see a physician? Perhaps a person's feelings are their symptoms. I expect that the philosopher might use Socratic methods to help the person understand that they are worried about things that aren't up to them. Hard to do that if the person doesn't share.

This of course assumes that these feelings aren't preferred.

And from my work in the SES course I learned that Stoics did endorse three feelings (or emotions... I'm using them interchangeably here): joy, caution and wishing.

Wishing produces feelings of benevolence and friendliness. Joy produces mirth and cheerfulness. Caution produces modesty and reverence.

We Stoics may actually be well advised to share these feelings with the world. Personally I like seeing things clarified this way, because when I experience the three "authorized" feelings (I know, I know) I feel very much at peace with the world. Stoicism allows us to increase the intensity and duration of these feelings, right?

If nothing else my participation in the SES course would have been worth it simply for this observation (though it has brought me so much more than this!). We Stoics can expect an increase in benevolence, friendliness, mirth, cheerfulness, modesty and reverence for our trouble.

Not a bad bargain, that.

Sellars on the Definition of Virtue

I'm working my way through John Sellars' book "Stoicism" as part of my studies for the College of Stoic Philosophers SES course. His book is excellent so I decided to search Youtube to see if he has any lectures posted.

He does. 

In his talk he gives some definitions which stand out to me and which I'd like to record (I use this blog as a sort of commonplace book):

"Bad" Passions: unpleasant emotional experiences based on mistaken value judgements

"Good" Passions: positive emotional responses that are based on correct value judgements

Good: something that always and necessarily benefits us

Virtue: the only good... an excellent, healthy state of mind

Joy: the good passion produced by virtue

The Three Phases of Anger

Some unknown redditor gave me the best Stoic advice of my life. The poster said something like "The first blush of anger is an impression; you can't do anything about that. The second step involves a decision. Will you act on it? The third step is the action and, if you submit anger, the result is beyond your control."

If you are the original poster please make a note of it and accept my heartfelt thanks.

Anyway, I was reminded of this advice when reading cleomedes' reply to a recent post and saw that he linked to this page, which contains the following quote from Seneca's "On Anger:"

"IV. Furthermore, that you may know in what manner passions begin and swell and gain spirit, learn that the first emotion is involuntary, and is, as it were, a preparation for a passion, and a threatening of one. The next is combined with a wish, though not an obstinate one, as, for example, “It is my duty to avenge myself, because I have been injured,” or “It is right that this man should be punished, because he has committed a crime.” The third emotion is already beyond our control, because it overrides reason, and wishes to avenge itself, not if it be its duty, but whether or no. We are not able by means of reason to escape from that first impression on the mind, any more than we can escape from those things which we have mentioned as occurring to the body: we cannot prevent other people’s yawns temping us to yawn; we cannot help winking when fingers are suddenly darted at our eyes. Reason is unable to overcome these habits, which perhaps might be weakened by practice and constant watchfulness: they differ from an emotion which is brought into existence and brought to an end by a deliberate mental act."

The original source material!

Cleomedes reminds us that "The Stoics divide emotions into two classes, impressions (sometimes 'feelings') and passions. See here. Impressions are emotions that happen to you, so trying to control them is a mistake, but passions are the result of your judgements, your beliefs about good and bad. These judgments are explicitly listed as things 'under your control'."

So if I have this right then this is how the process of becoming angry works:

First: You recieve an involuntary impression. "Bill calls me an idiot and I am angry." This is not in your control. You can no more avoid this first feeling of anger than you can avoid yawning. It's automatic.

Second: You assent to the impression or  you reject it. "Bill has wronged me. I will avenge myself." Or you could think "Bill made sounds with his mouth that aren't true. That's nothing to me." Or you could think "Bill has a point; perhaps I shouldn't play with matches at a gas station. I'll stop that." 

If you decide to avenge yourself then you have created a passion. If not life goes on as normal.

Third: You have created or avoided a passion. If you have created one it is no longer in your control. You tell Bill to go play in traffic and then you question his parentage. Now both of you are angry and things may escalate.

You only control Step 2. You may choose reason or passion.

I can't tell you how many times an understanding of this model has saved me real trouble. I have a problem with my temper, but now when I receive an angry impression I think about the three steps. I ride out the first impression, I reason my way through the problem and then I generally avoid creating a passion. Except when I don't.

An example: I don't like overstuffed drawers and cabinets. Yesterday I had a drawer that wouldn't close and felt that first rush of anger. I thought about the three steps and ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! slammed the door shut, breaking a hinge. Then I felt stupid. So, not a perfect record...

Another example: On the other hand, a few days ago a person on the street swore at me. I hadn't done anything to deserve it (I hadn't done anything at all). I felt the first flush of anger, remembered the three steps, and determined that unwarrented aggression probably meant that the person was having a tough day. I said as much.

"Yeah," he said. "I just broke up with my girlfriend."

"That's rough," I said. "Good luck to you."

He nodded and seemed to feel better.

Now that could have turned ugly in a hurry. This person was looking for somebody to take his misery out on, but when I refused the bait and instead offered understanding it diffused him.

That's Stoicism in action. It's powerful.

You'll have to excuse me. I need to go buy a new hinge.

Massimo Pigliucci's Meditation Regimen

This comes from Ryan Holiday's blog, "Meditations on Strategy and Life." Mr. Holiday conducted a very interesting and useful interview with Massimo Pigliucci, who seems to be one of the foremost Stoics of our time.

Holiday asks Pigliucci about his daily meditation practice. Here is the answer, condensed:


First: he contemplates the challenges he's likely to face that day. He contemplates which of the four cardinal virtues he's likely to call on (courage, self control, equanimity, wisdom).

Second: he visualizes Hierocles' Circle, picturing his concern for himself, then his family, then his friends, and then the world.

Third: he does premeditatio malorum... he visualizes a bad thing that might happen that day.

Fourth: he meditates on a Stoic Maxim.

Fifth: he ends the day with a Marcus Aurelius-syle journal, which is not intended for publication. He reviews the day's events and his own performance.


Pigliucci credits Stoic week with designing his practice, and says he's only modified it slightly to suit his own tastes.

Holiday's interview contains a number of other gems, but I'll let you read it for yourself.

Self-esteem or Self-respect Part II

There is a lot of anger in Mr. Elam's article, isn't there?  For me it is a very un-Stoic article containing a very Stoic truth.

One of the things that I've found interesting about the "manosphere" is its embrace of Stoicism. A wide variety of movements within the manosphere umbrella seem to see our philosophy as a counterpoint to their perception of modern Feminism's embrace of emotion over reason. That said, there IS a lot of anger there, and anger isn't our way.* 

The value I take from the article itself is that self-esteem does seem to get more play in modern discourse than self-respect, but that self-respect is probably the worthier of the two concepts. That is very perceptive. As far as I know it's an original thought, and I don't run into too many of those. 

After I read the article I did a search of the Discourses and the Enchiridion on the subject of self-respect and found that Epictetus had a lot to say about it. Epictetus in fact seems to have considered self-respect to be one of the main attainments of a Stoic philosopher. I reference Chapter 24 of the Enchiridion to support this.

A very moving example of Stoic self-respect appears in Discourses 1.2. Florus approaches Agrippinus asking whether or not he (Florus) should attend one of Nero's grotesques. I take it that Florus considers the activity to be beneath his moral standards, but on the other hand nobody wants to provoke a violent madman.

"Go," says Agrippinus.

"But why aren't you going yourself?"

"Because I've never even considered it."

Agrippinus's boundaries are well-defined. His self-respect will not even admit the possibility of debasing himself. That is a thing of beauty. That is virtue. That is excellence, and Mr. Elam's article led me to it.

*It IS Mr. Elam's way... I can't remember where but I watched some of his videos and he considers anger to be an important component of the men's rights movement.

Self-esteem Or Self-respect?

Paul Elam has penned this article on the difference between self-esteem and self-respect, and I think it's worth a look.

For those who don't know Mr. Elam runs a Canadian organization called "A Voice For Men." AVFM is a men's rights organization. If you would like to have a conversation with or debate a men's rights activist you will find good hunting ground at their site. I'd prefer not to here. I will just say that I read widely, and that I have found some useful ideas in Mr. Elam's article.

Elam has some harsh things to say about the mental health industry's relationship with self-esteem, things which a reasonable person might disagree with, but what really stands out, for me, is this:

"Self-respect, on the other hand, is about how you treat yourself and what kind of treatment you will tolerate from others. It is clearly and unmistakably measurable. And more importantly, it is completely attainable regardless of outside influences."

That strikes me as a very stoic paragraph. Our philosophy teaches us that we are all a part of a great whole, that we are designed by nature* to exist in community, but that we ourselves are responsible for ourselves. We ourselves are sufficient. We have the power to bring ourselves in line with nature.

Self-respect must be a part of that. Mr. Elam has it exactly. If we value self-esteem as the more important of the two concepts then we place our fate in the hands of emotion, and emotion is subject to our impressions, not to our reason. If we value self-respect as the greater of the two then we place our faith in a set of principles. Principles are less subject to outside influence, and if they change the change is more apt to result from reasonable consideration of the evidence.

Mr. Elam follows this up with:

"That truth leads to an unassailable fact. You can instinctively handle most anything life throws at you if you respect yourself enough to keep your own best interests at the forefront."

I'm not sure that I should keep my own best interests at the forefront, but let's continue:

"In fact, I think it more than fair to say that you could take the average man, put him through a gender studies program, send him through a nightmare marriage with a personality disordered basilisk, take his children and his assets in the divorce and drive his own family and friends to blame him for the entire mess, and his self-respect would still be within relatively easy reach."

The meat of what he is saying is that self-respect is always attainable, no matter one's circumstances. That is deeply Stoic and I think it's true. It's a deeply reassuring thought.

How do we attain it? How do we reach this thing that is always within reach? According to Epictetus we achieve self-respect through the exercise of our own will. We just decide to do it and then we do it.

In Book 4, Chapter 9, Versus 15-18 of the Discourses Epictetus compares the student of Stoicism to an athlete being trained by a wrestling master:

"The boy has taken a fall: 'Get up,' he says, 'and resume the fight until you grow strong.' You too should think in some such way as that: you should know that there is nothing more tractable than the human mind. You only have to exert your will, and the thing comes about, and all is put right; whereas on the other hand, you only have to doze off, and all is lost. For ruin and deliverance alike come from within.

"'And after all that, what good will I gain?'"

"And what greater good could you seek than this? Where once you were shameless, you'll have self-respect; where once you were faithless, you'll become faithful; where once you were dissolute, you'll have self-control. If you're looking for anything other than things such as that, continue to act as you're now acting; for not even a god could still be able to help you."

Elam's hostility toward what he considers to be the excessive influence of modern feminism is what it is, and his views are not my own. His insights into self-esteem and self-respect, however, are a revelation to me. He has taken something which was hovering just beyond my ability to articulate and articulated it, and for that I am very thankful. 

*Whether it be conscious or unconscious

The Only Safe Harbor

"For the only safe harbour in this life's tossing , troubled sea is to refuse to be bothered about what the future will bring and to stand ready and confident , squaring the breast to take without skulking or flinching whatever fortune hurls at us."

- Seneca, Letter 104, Letters from a Stoic, posted to the Stoic Sub Reddit by silverdeath00


"Fortune" is in this case Fortuna, the goddess of chance. Seneca has a literal being in mind when he says "Fortune," whether or not he believed in her literal existence (see 5.3 at this link).

She hurls challenges at us like Jupiter hurls thunderbolts, if you're into that sort of thing. Once we've done all we can do then we can whine or we can ride it out with some style. What else is there?

Good post, silverdeath00.

* * *

Image is public domain

What Is A Modern Stoic?

“Begin - to begin is half the work, let half still remain; again begin this, and thou wilt have finished.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

A Non-stoic Day

You drag into work twenty minutes late because your oldest kid couldn’t find her inhaler.

As you walk through the door you trip on the floormat, because the maintenance people never check to make sure those things are flat.

You walk down the hall and turn into your office and that guy you hate bumps into you and keeps walking without saying he’s sorry.

As you sit down the secretary comes by to ask you to donate to her kid’s jogathon. You feel heat rising to your cheeks as you pull out your wallet and hand her ten dollars, knowing full well that that’s ten fewer dollars you can send to pay down your mounting credit card bill. Just as you turn on your computer your boss shows up and wants to know what the status is on that report. He pointedly looks at his watch.

“It’ll be done when it’s done!” you snap.

His eyebrows raise and he walks away.

That could have gone better.

Now Try This

It’s time to leave. You can’t find your kid’s inhaler.

Can you skip it? No, because if she has an asthma attack she could die without it. So you spend twenty minutes and you find it. You ask yourself how this can be avoided in the future. You decide that from now on the school inhaler will go in the basket by the door. Lesson learned.

As you walk through the door you step over the folded floor mat, then you kick it flat. You tripped on it yesterday and learned your lesson then. Always check the floor mats. You remind yourself that maintenance is overworked and sometimes in their haste they don’t make sure those things are down. People complain all the time. They’ve asked for more help, but downsizing is downsizing… must be tough to be them.

As you walk down the hall that guy you hate slams into you.

“Hey Bill,” you call after him. He turns. “You have a nice day, buddy.” He knows…

As you sit down the secretary asks you for money for her kid’s jogathon. You think about it. It’s good to help kids fund their school, but you’re a bit short this month. You decide that you need to conserve money for your family; that’s the greater responsibility. That said, it’s a good reminder that you enjoy giving money to charity. Maybe next month.

“Sorry, I’m a bit short this month.”

She seems irritated. That must be tough, having to run around begging change for your kid. Whatever. Things to do.

Your boss comes by and looks pointedly at his watch. Since he hasn’t said anything you feel no need to explain yourself.

“What’s the status on that report?” he asks.

“Could I call you about that in ten minutes? I just want to make sure I’m giving you good information.”

“I need it now.”

“I’m pretty sure we’re just waiting on Bill’s stuff. I’ll email you in ten after I check, OK?”

“Well, OK.” He shuffles off to pester somebody else.

You smile to yourself and go about your day.

That’s Stoicism.